Gossipfiction
by ILikeOranges
Summary: What if the characters of Gossip Girl saw fanfiction?
1. Website

**This is something random that I wrote a couple weeks back. It's basically a parody of but I made it into . I've always wondered why the couple names were so...weird so I always wondered how the charactors would react to them. I added the slash fics because it can get interesting.  
so Enjoy!  
Disclaimer: I own nothing....I just embarrass the characters...**

* * *

"Hey Serena, what are you doing?" Blair asked when Nate and Chuck both noticed that she had just spent about half an hour on the computer trying to hold back giggles.  
All four of them were hanging out in Serena's room. Blair was about to repeat her question when Serena answered, "Nothing, I just found this new site that a Gossip Girl fan made, It's called Gossipfiction. People make up stories about US. Some of them are pretty hilarious. Here, look it up on your cell." She sent all 3 of them the links on their cells and they began searching on the site with Serena.  
At first they were all pleasantly amused. Chuck found some Blair X Chuck Gossipfiction and began flipping through one of the M rated ones and thinking about how he wished he got that lucky more often. Nate was randomly scrolling through the search results, reading the names when he suddenly burst out laughing.  
"What is it Nathanial." Chuck questioned, now annoyed that he was interrupted from his fantasies.  
"Search up non-canon fics." Nate replied. Within minutes all of them were either laughing or disgusted. "Some people should not have a couple name."  
Blair saw that her and Chuck's couple name was "Chair" and started quietly screaming. "CHAIR?!?! What kind of a couple name is that?!?! It's a piece of furniture for god's sake!!!" Chuck only smirked, even more amused now.  
"Hey look," Serena said, "The couple name for Nate and Blair is 'Nair'…hey…isn't that a shaving cream?"

Blair started fuming. "I have some couple names too. Me and Dan is…Derena…huh…sounds weird. There's also Me and Nate…Nerena apparently…sounds like a brand of deodorant. Ewww…there's also Cerena for me and Chuck…or maybe it's Shuck…people are using both."  
Blair lightened up a little at her friend's attempt at cheering her up.

"O god! There's also one for ME and DAN! It's Dair…ugh…it sounds like someone just spelled 'dare' wrong…or a brand of shampoo…"

Chuck watched quietly as Blair looked through the insulting couple names before a link caught his eye. "Slash fics…" he murmured. He clicked, hoping for some girl-on-girl action but he got something different. "O LORD…There's GAY fics…"

Nate's head came up at the sound and he quickly looked his name up. They saw his eyes widen before he burst out laughing. "There's ChuckXDan fics and their couple name is 'Duck'." Blair joined the laughter now that Chuck got an even worse name. "And there's also…ones with Chuck and me?!?! And they call us 'Cate'…wow some people lack creativity… isn't that a girl's name? There's also 'Vate' and 'Jate' for Jenny and Vanessa…and 'Date' for Dan and me…ugh…"  
Chuck didn't seem to be paying attention, his eyes were glued to something on the screen. Nate took the cell phone to see what Chuck was looking at only to find M rated fiction about Serena and Blair who were being called 'Sair'. He read through the well written femslash then both guys looked up at the 2 girls who were looking at them with confused expressions.  
Chuck started, "See, we read this interesting piece of gossipfiction about you two and we were hoping that you can reinact it. It's called a femslash. Here take a look. He passed the cell phone over to Serena. She scanned over it and replied,  
"You wish."  
"I do wish…"  
"Your disgusting Chuck, wait, why are we here looking at this insulting crap anyways?" Serena asked.  
"I don't know…but it was interesting!" Nate tried.  
"Hey, wanna go to a club or something?" Chuck offered.  
"Sure!" was Serena's only reply before they grabbed their stuff and went out the door.

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**I hope you liked it! Be sure to REVIEW! I wanna know what you think! I'm not very good with this random stuff... Be sure to check out my other Gossip Girl or Twilight fics! (but not all of them r humor, I also wrote a romance one.)  
Thanks for reading!  
-Sammy6618 **


	2. Fans

**This is the second chapter of my original one-shot. People loved it so much that I decided to do a second chapter. *Note, there are sex references* It's a different form of humor than the first, less random.  
So Enjoy!  
Disclaimer: I own nothing, I just embarrass the characters...**

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"Why is _he _here?" Dan questioned when he saw Serena walking towards Dan with Chuck.

Serena always walked with Dan to school but today Chuck joined them.

"My mom got sick of him skipping school just so he can go to a strip club and look at girls. She would then get a call from the school to tell her Chuck is not at school just when Chuck usually walks through our door drunk as hell and with his shirt backwards, smelling like some random flowery perfume." She sighed, "So she asked to me walk with him to school today which pretty much means I'm babysitting him."

Chuck grimaced at the word _babysit _but he then said "If your babysitting me then why don't you skip the _baby_ part and just sit _on_ me instead? We can go back to the limo and you can sit _and _ride on me."

"Your disgusting Chuck." Serena said while hoping that this won't become a regular event.

"Ummm…Chuck, _that's_ my girlfriend your talking about." Dan spoke up.

"So?"  
"Nevermind." Dan said as he turned towards the stores lining the streets pretending to look at the windows.

"Hey, can you guys hold on a sec? I left my cell in the limo, I'll go back and get it." Serena walked off in a hurry towards their parked limo. For about 5 minutes Dan and Chuck stood there in awkward silence.

"Hey-"

"Don't care." Chuck interrupted.  
Dan started walking towards a window to escape from his counterpart when he suddenly tripped and began to fall when Chuck decided to help him out and caught him by the arm. Dan was jolted upright and placed his hand on Chuck's shoulder to balance himself. Dan was about to thank him when an unwelcome intruder came.

"ZOMG ZOMG ZOMG!!! The rumors are TRUE!!!! DUCK IS REAL!!!!" The 13-year-old girl shrieked towards her friends.

"What the Fuck." Chuck muttered, an annoyed expression planted on his face.

"Who are they?" Dan asked.

"Gossip Girl fans apparently." He turned towards the pre-teen mess of argueing and screaming, "I am not, nor will I ever be in any kind of a relationship with Cabbage Patch over here."

Right then Serena skipped into the scene.

"Hey guys, I'm back, woah…" she noticed the group of girls looking at them and squealing.

"AHHHHH!!! OMG!!! I WAS RIGHT!!! C/S IS REAL!!!" another girl yelled out, she settled down a bit, "You guys look SO cute together!"

"No see…" Serena started.

"OMG!!! I HAVE TO TXT GG RIGHT NOW!!!"

Serena groaned when she saw flashes from the cell phones indicate that pictures were being taken. Sure enough, within minutes, the gossip queen sent out another update.

_Incest or a Hot Mess?_

_Hey Upper East Siders,_

_Looks like the rumors might be true after all. Someone just sent me a tip that our favorite Bass kids could be up to something naughty. Spotted: C and S walking along New York's sidewalks in the morning with Lonelyboy. But by the looks of it, Lonelyboy will stay single. Stick around for the dirty details._

_You know you love me,_

_XOXO Gossip Girl._

"Come on, lets hurry up and get to school before they do any more damage to our reputations." Serena stated.

"Or we can go back to the limo and-"

"No." Serena finished as she pulled Dan and Chuck along the concrete sidewalk.

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**So I hope you liked it! Please REVIEW and tell me what you think about this chapter! Were the sex jokes too awkward? 'cause I'm a C/S supporter :)  
Thanks for reading!  
-Sammy6618**


	3. Cheater?

**This is the 3rd chapter of Gossipfiction. I'm sorry if it took a little too long but I will only update this story when I get a good idea. This one might not be as funny to some people since I tend to put the joke on a different person in each chapter. I got a bit bored of making Chuck look drunk or pissing him off so I decided to torture Dan a little.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, I just embarrass them...**

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Dan placed his arm around Serena's back as they took a walk through central park. It was around 4pm and Dan wanted to go on a walk with her. Serena leaned in to kiss him and just before their lips touched, the unwanted intruders interrupted once again.

"OMG DAN!! HOW DARE YOU CHEAT ON CHUCK!?!?!? AND SERENA, AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED TO BE WITH NATE?!?!?"

"No, see-"Serena began explaining.

Another girl began to yell "SERENA! WHY WOULD YOU CHEAT ON NATE!?!?!? HE'S SOOOOOO HOT!! I'D DATE HIM IN A SPLIT SECOND!!" The 13-year-old girl gushed.

A guy about 15 years old, dressed in a T-shirt and some dark blue jeans, approached Serena and started checking her out. For the most part he looked like a Joe Jonas clone only he seemed more arrogant and self-centered. "Hey, beautiful, how 'bout you and me go party up in my room?" He leaned in towards her ear "Sans clothing."

Serena shuddered in disgust at the revolting young man, "Excuse me, but I'm with my boyfriend."  
"Boyfriend?!?! But isn't that guy gay or something?!? 'cause I heard he was dating Buck or something…" He replied, an expression of confusion planted on his face.

"HIS NAME IS CHUCK AND HE IS TEH HOTNESS!!!"yet another pre-teen girl screamed out.  
Dan watched as the group slowly began to draw up an argument. After he heard yet another assumption of him being on 'the bottom' with Chuck he snapped, "I AM NOT GAY!!!!!"

The crowd stopped talking for a minute to decipher what he had just said.  
After a painfully quiet moment, someone yelled out, "I KNEW IT! DAN IS BI!!", causing the crowd to go wild with more assumptions and random screaming. "IT EXPLAINS WHY HIS HAIR IS ALWAYS SO WELL KEPT!! AND WHY HE IS NEVER SWEATY IN PICTURES!!!!"  
Several loud beeps informed the crowd of Gossip Girl's latest "scandal". The picture at the top showed two separate pictures: One of Dan in the park with Serena and the other of Chuck at Victrola kissing a stripper. It read:  
_  
Cheater, Cheater, do you like pumpkins?_

_It looks our favourite UES bromance has ended. My spies tell me that Dan just announced he was Bi. Hmmm, sounds interesting. Spotted: (not so) Lonelyboy with S, and C getting cozy with a burlesque dancer. Wonder what caused the break-up. And where is the queen B and golden boy N in all of this? My informants tell me they were last seen walking together towards B's place. I love a good scandal. Play safe kitties.  
XOXO Gossip Girl_

The group quickly left them after the update from the Gossip queen.  
"Well this is just _great_, now everyone thinks I'm bisexual."  
"At least they don't think your dating Chuck now." Serena finished with a giggle.

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**I know that wasn't as good as the last 2 chapters but I tried. For those of you that don't get the gossip girl title, it's based off the old saying "Cheater Cheater, pumpkin eater". I'll try to think up an idea for the next chapter as soon as possible so be patient! Meanwhile, I still have that poll at my profile asking all of you what genre my next BIG fanfic project should be so please go vote and help me decide because right now a couple of them are tied(I'm sorry, but this fanfic is considered a side project since I don't always have these random ideas for this one). And a big THANK YOU to everyone that has reviewed this story! I really appreciate the feedback! So remember to REVIEW! I want to know how I did this time!**

Thanks for reading!  
-Sammy6618


	4. Paranoid and Stupid

**I got another idea and wrote a new chapter! Sorry about the lack of updates, I've had a horrible case of writers block for some time now. This chapter has more sex jokes so if you can't stand PG humor then... I'm making fun of Dan a lot too... :P  
Oh well, Enjoy anyways!  
Disclaimer: I own NONE of the characters...I just embarrass them... **

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"And that is how you get laid." Chuck finished. He was trying to "teach" Nate how to get a girl in Victrola. He pulled away from the stripper's mouth to finish explaining.  
"No Chuck, that is how you get dumped. I have a girlfriend remember? And that is not how to get a girl, that is how to buy a prostitute."  
"You haven't had sex with Blair for what? A year? I'm trying to help you Nathanial. If you don't get a girl in bed soon, I'm going to think that you're gay."  
Nate scowled, and turned to down his drink, trying to ignore his company.  
"Ok Nathanial, I was hoping it wouldn't come to this but even Serena is more fun than you now. You are 17 going on 40." He paused to think, "Now that I think about it, Dorota might be more fun. At least she can bring me my scotch. While with you, I might as well be hanging out with a rock."  
Nate ignored Chuck and grabbed a bottle of scotch which he slowly opened to pour the contents over his friend.  
"Happy?" Nate asked, annoyed that he allowed Chuck to drag him here.  
Chuck ignored the soaking state of his clothes and just lead a random stripper into a back room, dropping his wet clothing along the way and mumbling "hell yes".  
Nate looked outside and saw Serena with Dan, walking along the dark sidewalk so he smiled and went outside to greet them.  
"Hey Dan-"  
"I'M NOT BI OK?!?!"  
"Huh?"  
Serena looked at Nate apologetically, explaining that the Gossip Girl fans were getting on Dan's nerves. They assumed that Dan had a crush on Bart Bass and had a one night stand with Chuck while using Serena as a cover.  
"How does that even make sense again?" Nate asked.  
"I don't know, I find it to be kind of funny actually. I told Dan it would blow over, but then a fan heard me, misunderstood me and thought I said he wanted to give Chuck a blowjob. Dan is now really paranoid and he's starting to act stupid."  
Dan gave her an exasperated look and groaned.  
"I'm not paranoid, and I'm acting perfectly normal."  
"You just announced to Nate your sexuality after he greeted you."  
Dan muttered out, "Why me?"  
"Just remember, it could always be worse." Serena told him.  
"How can this get worse exactly?"  
"I don't know, your family could have believed Gossip Girl and abandoned you."  
"Thanks, that makes me feel so much better." He said, his words dripping with sarcasm, "I'm going home before what's left of my social life is ruined altogether."  
"Well, on the bright side, you didn't have much of a social life before anyways."  
Dan mumbled something along the lines of "thanks" and called a cab to go home while Serena walked back home with Nate.

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**So I'm pretty sure that at this stage, many of you think I am retarded. And yes, I think I am retarded too. I got this idea out of nowhere. I really love all my reviews! I'm sorry that I don't reply to most of them but mostly, I just have nothing to say. Now for some extra news. I started a new project that is a Romance/Drama and it's S/N. It's called "Addiction" and it's the result of the poll I put up a month ago so if you want you can go check that out. This fic will become my side project because I don't have a real plot for it. I also got nominated for Ms Twitter Canada! I'm only a couple spots away from the top 20 so if you guys don't mind, could you please go to (link in my profile) and vote for me? I REALLY want to get into the top 20(my username on Twitter is the same as the one here, Sammy6618). So yea, that's enough shameless promoting, remember to review and tell me what you thought of this chapter and I'll try to write out another one ASAP(p.s sorry about the short chapter, but extending it would make the humor go away).  
Thank you SO much for reading!  
-Sammy6618**


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